It's an ugly word.....

Jealousy....it's an ugly word. I always have associated jealousy with material things. Your friend buys a new house and it's exactly what you wanted, someone buys a new car and it's the one that you have been eyeing. I looked at it as being associated with something that could be purchased.
I've never considered myself a jealous person. Someone buys a new house, I appreciate the beauty of it but think "thank goodness I don't have to clean it, maintain it, etc." Someone buys a new car and I think "good for them, at least I don't have that payment". I never understood jealousy in a relationship. If you love someone and you know that they love you, why would you be jealous of them?
At least these were my thoughts until reading the chapter on jealousy in our weekly Bible Study book. I studied the chapter last night. Last night these words jumped out at me " We wonder why some women are so wise, poised and articulate. This one is pretty. That one has the perfect career. This one has such polite children. That one has so many friends." God made me realize that jealousy doesn't have to be about things that can be purchased. It doesn't matter if it's material or inmaterial. Jealousy goes hand and hand with covetousness.
I read that passage in our book and I realized "that's me!!" I look at other women and think " they are so elegant, they are so put together, everyone loves them" and I feel sorry for myself. It is a problem, a mood, and emotional inbalance that I can't ever remember not having. I want to be loved, I want to be accepted, I want to be the beautiful girl, the smart and funny girl, the one that everyone wants to include. So I try to over achieve to accomplish this. I sign up for everything. I don't say no when asked, I insert myself into conversations that have nothing to do with me thinking that this will fill that need. When in reality, I am loved. I have a wonderful circle of family and friends that have been and will be there for me. They enjoy ME. I also have a Heavenly Father who accepts me for me because He created me.
As I started typing this tonight, I also realized that I am jealous over the material things as well. God just smacked me in the forehead (it is still stinging a little--LOL) and made realize that even though I say things like "I wouldn't want to clean it or I wouldn't want the payment" that those words are a front for my true feelings. Feelings which are "it must be nice to be able to afford that, I wish I could spend money like that, etc." These feelings are unjustified and lead to bitterness.
We are each unique beings, created just the way God wanted us to be. In that same vein, we each have a unique path. For some, it's a paved sidewalk and for other's it's an overgrown trail. But on each of these paths, we have a guide if we will only rely on Him. Our guide has given us a map (His word) to follow and He is always there if we tend to lose our spot on the map. The path that someone else is on may look easier. It may look more enjoyable. But appearances can be deceiving. That paved sidewalk has cracks that can cause the walker to stumble while the overgrown trail provides shade from the heat. The paved sidewalk leaves the walker exposed to the elements and all those passing by. The overgrown trail can provide shelter and protection. It doesn't matter what your path may be, it's how you choose to perceive it.
Lord, help me to appreciate my path. Let me see the beauty in the simple things and the blessings that come with the simplicity. Help me to appreciate the me that you have created and accept the love that others offer me.